Shopping is Horrible
by Grand Master Shoma
Summary: Edge and Daigo decide to do some shopping for Akira... and it's horrible!!!!


Shopping Is Horrible: A Rival Schools Day

Shopping Is Horrible: A Rival Schools Day

By Apollo Alexandre, a.k.a. "Grand Master Shoma"

By Neusa Gaspar, a.k.a. "The Judge"

I'll be blunt: I do not own these characters, I own this story. Don't steal it.

*This is the first Rival Schools fanfic we made as a duo. *

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**May 17, 20018:45 A.M.**

Akira was slowly creeping into Daigo's room, and allowed herself entry. She saw her older brother stretched out on his bed: covers removed, sleeping only with briefs, and made one of those typical sleeping bubbles anime characters make from their noses.She was whispering into her brother's ear (whispering, meaning yelling) and said "Daigo! Wake up!" He was still asleep. Once again, she yelled into his ear "DAIGO!! Get up!!"

Like a rock, he was unmoved. Then she just plugged his nose. He was struggling before he finally got up. Daigo muttered, "Will you stop with that?"

"Guess what today is?" Akira asked. Daigo was dumbfounded by her question. She then answered for him, "It's Big Brother Day!!"

"Oh, is it that day already? I can even remember the day you started that family holiday." Gazing into their past, they remembered when they were only little kids (I really don't know their ages, thus making things a bit more difficult).

They were walking home from grade school one day, and little Akira kept on pestering Daigo. She kept on saying menial things about how she was 5, she knew her addition, and kept on saying that Daigo was her older brother. Annoyed, he told her to go away. She screeched out a NO and pushed Daigo on the sidewalk. Feeling sorry about what she had done, she found a fresh chewed-up piece of gum on the sidewalk an gave it to Daigo. She then said, "Here you go. Happy Big Brother Day!!" Feeling that he didn't want to hurt her feelings by not accepting it, he took it.

"I still kept that gum." Daigo stated, then showed Akira the now chewed-up and grayish bubble gum. She pointed out that he didn't have to keep the gum. They both saw it disintegrate like in Digimon. 

Akira then blindfolded Daigo, saying "I have a surprise for you! It's in the garage. Watch your head when I tell you."

"Akira, if you wanted to blindfold me, you could have covered my good eye and left my scarred eye alone. Unless you still believe that I can see out of this eye, stop it, you know that's not true... OW!!" Daigo banged his head on the garage door. After guiding him to the garage, she took off his blindfold. He was then astounded by the gift she gave him. "Akira, you didn't have to."

"I wanted the best for my big brother." Akira smirked as she showed him his running motorcycle with bitchin' flames on the body that spell out Daigo. "I made it myself. Happy Big Brother Day!!"

Obviously, you could tell how happy he was. He then gave Akira a deadly bear hug. This was cutting off her circulation, and making her purple all over. Releasing her from his powerful grip, he then went over to the motorcycle and told her, "I'm gonna give this baby a test drive." When he started it up, he went bolting backwards, crashing through the garage door, and crashing into a fence, thus crushing a squirrel. Akira worried about her brother's safety, but he gave off a simple OK, stating that he was okay, but the squirrel was not. "Now I'm gonna show this off to the guys. See you later!" as Daigo drove off in the vicinity.

**10:45 A.M.**

Edge and Gan were bored and had nothing to do. Then Daigo parked his chopper right next to Edge's shin. He told his homey-g's that Akira made, styled, and toiled night and day to work on this motorcycle. He told them it was for Big Brother's Day. 

"Oh man, I have to get my older brother a gift. Which do you think he'll like more, Marijuana or Cocaine?" Edge panicked.

"Well, looks like those six half-pints are gonna have to give me a gift. How come I've never heard of this holiday?" Gan asked.

"It's only in my family." Daigo said. Noticing that Gan disappeared and Edge is running in the distance, he yelled to him, "Get back here, you DIPSHIT!"

Running back, Edge asked, "Well, what do we do now?"

"I got it!" taking Edge with him, Daigo drove back home and snatched the shopping list before Akira could take it. Driving on the freeway, they were bored out of their minds because of the long traffic lines. "This sucks, doesn't it?" Daigo yelled to Edge.

"Nuts to this! I'll walk!" Edge stated.

"NO, YOU IDIOT! WE'RE GOING 70 ON A FREEWAY!!!" Daigo screamed at the idiotic Edge, but it was too late: Edge screeched as he landed himself on a series of cars.

**2:45 P.M.**

Finally, the two finally made it to the supermarket after getting Edge stitched back up. When they went inside, they divided the list up while obtaining the necessities. When Daigo was in the cereals aisle, he yelled over to Edge on the Produce section, "Do you have everything?"

"I have the apples, pears, melons, bananas, peaches, pistachio nuts, and cashews."

"What about the oranges?"

"Almost."

Puzzled by the statement, he answered back "...WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'ALMOST'?"

"I can't find the ripe ones!" After a few seconds pass, he tossed Daigo a moldy orange. "Is this ripe?"

"Edge... this orange has mould on it." Tossing it back to Edge, he yelled "Get the good ones."

"Is this a good one?" Edge yelled back as he tossed an orange to his boss.

Scientifically researching this orange, he concluded, "Edge, this orange has white fuzz on it, you sicko!" Tossing it back to Edge, he commanded, "Get an orange that doesn't have mould or shudder white fuzz."

Seeing an old man entering the same aisle that Daigo was in, Edge thought of a theory. "_hhm, I wonder what would happen if I throw this fuzzy orange at a person. How would they react?_" Not looking, he threw the fuzzy orange back into the cereals aisle, and smacked Daigo in the back in the head. Hearing his boss yell in disgust warned him about the horror that will happen. 

Running out of the aisle, Daigo yelled at Edge. "Did you just throw that white, fuzzy piece of shit at me??"

"... No." Edge quietly said as he ran off in the distance.

"Get your ass back here, you hyper-spaz." Daigo called out to Edge calmly. When he returned, he told Edge what to do next. "Now, you get the flour while I get the baking soda. You hear me?"

"Yes sir." And the two went on their separate paths. Daigo, after completing his long journey of obtaining the baking soda from the old supermarket bitch, he went to the baking goods aisle. He called out, "Edge, where are you?" He then observed Edge falling on top of his person, along with a canister of flour, dumping all over them.

"Edge, go get the toilet paper." Daigo commanded.

"T.P.?"

"Yes, the damn T.P."

"T.P.?"

"God dammit!! Just GO!!!!!!!"

Edge then started his journey to reach the infamous 'magical, mystical T.P'. Edge then spotted it's location on the top of the toilet paper aisle. "_I see. They have an aisle, solely dedicated to T.P. I understand now, but where's the brand the boss uses?..._" Edge paused to gaze at it's location. "_SHIT!!! I don't wanna go all the way up there! But, I guess I'll have to. Shit._" Edge was soon climbing the shelves, only to have the entire aisle fall flat on his face. He let out a ear-piercing scream. "AIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

As Daigo was approaching the now in ruins T.P. aisle, he saw into the mess, "Ah, there's the toilet paper." As he was picking it up, he wondered "_Now where's that dipshit Edge?_" "Edge!! Get your ass here now!!!" Daigo yelled out, only to be buried by a mountain of cottony soft T.P.

"Yeah?" Edge popped out.

"Alright. We have two items left on the list. Now I'll get the motorcycle battery, while you'll get the Herbal Essences." Daigo stated.

"Which one, shampoo, conditioner, or body wash?"

"Shampoo."

"Intensive Blends or Normal?"

"Normal."

"Raspberry or Lemon?"

"JUST GO!!!"

As Edge was darting off into the distance, he stopped by the shampoo and bath aisle, only to be astounded by viewing tens upon hundreds of angry female shoppers beating the living hell out of each other. Edge approached this the old-fashioned way. Brandishing his lucky knife, he barked at the girls "OKAY! I got a knife here! Get near me and I'll slice your breasts off! It's just that simple!" Then, whilst strutting his stuff, went up to the remaining Herbal Essences bottle. He snatched it, and walked off. Hearing the women make threats about him taking the last Herbal Essences, he dashed off with a mob of women behind him. While running, he snagged Daigo after getting a motorcycle battery.

They would have already left, had they not taken a slow cashier. It was like a few seconds for every item there was. 

"Hey Edge, where did that mob go?"

"...beep..." (scanner)

"I distracted them by throwing that white fuzzy orange."

"...beep..."

"Nice one Edge."

"Thanks!"

"...beep..."

"Um, can you speed it up a bit?"

"Yeah, work it you old hag!"

They then heard the screams of the mobsters once again. And all the while the Herbal Essences wasn't responding to the scanner. Edge thought of a good idea. He knocked the cashier down, and sped through the items, dropped the payment and dashed off on the motorcycle. At first the mob was already catching up to our heroes, then they went light-speed. Unfortunately, those hags and hoes managed to catch up with Daigo and the spastic Edge. They then stopped, and ran clear down through those bitches (Don't hurt me, ladies! I mean not to be offensive!).

Our heroes finally made it home. Daigo, ever so mad, went straight to Akira, dropped the grocery bag, and stated "From now on, you do the shopping!!"

"Was it hard for little Daigo?" Akira said in a sarcastic, baby talk tone. 

"... Don't start with me, Akira!!" Daigo yelled, then stomped into the house in a pissed tone. He flopped himself on the couch, and slept!

The End__


End file.
